So much to say, so little time...

Well, all of a sudden it's 2+ months later and I haven't had a chance to update this! However, there is so much to say, so many things to try to record and talk about. So I'm going to do my best to summarize the major events of the past few months...

Let's start with where we left off... sometime in Aug/Sept I think. You were almost 3 months old at the time. Now you are over 5 months old! You have changed so much that you're almost unrecognizable from the tiny, squeaky, helpless little things that you were then. You have changed so much, and you've also had so many experiences!

For example, in September you went on your first airplane ride. Boy, that was something we in equal parts anticipated and dreaded. I just didn't know how the heck we were going to make it through an airport and flight with you two in tow. I was worried about the air pressure and how your little bodies would handle it. And I was replaying several nightmare scenarios over and over in my head - one or both of you screaming in pain from the pressure, pooping in mid-flight, throwing up everywhere, the list goes on...

Luckily for us, your inauguration into the world of air travel was an easy one- just to Richmond, which is a short 1 hour flight. We were leaving in the morning so you slept at Ammamma and Thatha's apartment that night so that Dad and I could get some sleep. I still remember so clearly how you looked when we walked into their apartment to get you. You were both so alert and clearly so excited- you knew something was up!


In any event, you were perfect angels on that flight- really such good little babes. OK, Meera you DID have a projectile vomiting session that got all over the airplane seats and your dad. But it was so quiet and over and done with so quickly without a peep out of you, that it didn't even feel like such a big deal! You both just lay on our laps and either slept or looked around a bit. I was secretly bursting with pride with all of the comments we got as we paraded you through the airport and on the flight... And see for yourself how scrumptiously adorable you were:



Your trip to Richmond was actually the first time you met most of your dad's family, which was exciting in and of itself. Your Grandma Spencer picked us up at the airport and she was so thrilled to you see you and so tickled by your "jailbird" outfits. You did look ridiculously cute- not that I'm biased or anything.

Grandma and Grandpa held an "open house" for the family to come and check you out which was so much fun! They all came of course- your great grandma who is 92 and so thrilled to have 3 new great grandchildren this year, your uncles and aunts and cousins- they were all there. It was a really special day and your dad and I were so proud of you kids- you were well-behaved and sweet and just generally the darling little bebes that you are. You were definitely a huge hit amongst all of your little cousins too! They all wanted to touch you (which we had to restrict a bit) or at least look at you (which we were all for) and some of the older ones like Abby got to hold you a bit. Avery, the youngest of the Richmond lot, is a bit of a naughty little fella so his mom Jessica was super paranoid that he would hit you or something. She watched him like a hawk, which I found hilarious! (And he ended up being very well-behaved with you indeed).

It was a great trip overall- you guys were fab. Like you always are :-)

The end of the beginning...

10 weeks old today. Which means that you are almost out of the "dreaded" newborn phase of the first 3 months. Well, I say "dreaded" only b/c society labels the first 3 months as the really rough time, where parents are physically and mentally exhausted and kids are exceptionally demanding and tough to deal with. But truthfully kids, these first 10 weeks have been pretty darn wonderful for us. I mean, let's face it- you kids are perfect which makes it soooo much easier :-) But it's really more than that.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the advice or warnings and such that I was given before you came. So, so, so many people told me how essentially horrible and difficult it was going to be in these first few months. I was told to prepare myself and brace myself and we were warned enough that your dad and I were actually a bit nervous! I was told over and over about how people "couldn't imagine" how I'd deal with two babies since one had almost done them in. I'd been told about how I "shouldn't worry- b/c it gets much better around 3-4 months". And it's not only what I'd been told- I'd seen it too! Almost all of my friends who had children already truly did suffer through those first months. I would see them bleary-eyed and grumpy, talking about their how demanding their kids were, yadda, yadda. So your dad and I used to joke that our goal for the first 3 months was just "to keep you alive" ;-) We pretty much expected to be exhausted and miserable and praying for that 3 month mark to pass. But wow, did we have the (most wonderful) surprise of our lives in you two! You have been a total joy for us since the day you were born and ever since. Sure there are sleepy nights when I wish you would just forget about food for a few hours. And yes, particularly you, Meera, have some cranky moments in life. But they are overwhelmingly outweighed by all of the good times. The times when I am laughing so hard at something funny you did, or when my heart is squeezing with that indescribable parent love, or when I think about your long life to come and feel so lucky to be mother through your journey. Overall, I find myself constantly perplexed at all of the warnings and grumblings we got from others. How could they not relish this time with their little ones? I feel bad that people don't stop to enjoy their babies more. Because frankly your babyhood is fleeting - it is passing by in a nanosecond. I'm just grateful that your dad and I are stopping to smell those dirty diapers...uh, I mean roses, when it comes to you two. I think we have the better deal!

Some things about your newborn-ness that melt me:

• those little squeaks and grunts
• your skinny little limbs, only just now starting to get some real meat (esp. you, Max)
• the way we marvel at the tiniest accomplishments, like being able to hold your head up, or track movement with your eyes
• the first smiles... oh, the power you have over us with them! we will turn ourselves into the biggest idiots on the planet to try to coax one of those out of you
• the burritos you become in your swaddles!
• your soft downy hair that you are only just starting to develop
• how you smell of milk and sweetness
• your smallness. oh, how you fit in our arms. so tiny and yet such a huge presence in our hearts and lives.
  
  I know you are on the brink of leaving this newborn phase and I am excited for the active babies you will become. But there is sadness too, for how fast this has passed by. For how you will never again be so small and so helpless and so squeaky and so instinctual and so... sigh.
  
  
  

2 Months Old!

TWO MONTHS OLD! I seriously can't believe it, kiddos. How does time race by like this, even when you are trying to make a concerted effort to slow things down and absorb all these special moments. Oh well, I guess that's just not how life is so I might as well just deal!

So... this week has been all about the schedule, kiddos. I'm ridiculously confused right now about what is best for you, in terms of getting you on a schedule and getting you fed correctly. I mean, there are a trillion different theories out there and although many have similarities, there are a few outright contradictions. And of course there is no "right answer" b/c well, if there was, I guess that's what everyone would be doing! So that's fine- I'm cool with just picking one that seems to make the most sense to me and getting you guys on it. But the problem with that is, for every theory that makes sense and is lauded by pediatricians and other critics, you will find just as many opposing opinions telling you that you are doing bad things to your kids if you stick to that program. Sigh... what's a mom to do, anyway?

So I picked one. I just hope it's right b/c the last thing in the world I want to do is mess you kids up right now. This year is so important to you. Your little minds and bodies are going through more changes and development this year than they will ever do! So the thought of doing something that could scar you emotionally, or get you off on the wrong foot physically... well, it scares me. Your Aunt Alexa told me just to go with the flow and not read too many books, and I do see a lot of truth and common sense in that approach. The problem is, I might be shortchanging you by not implementing some of the stuff I read about, since it is supposed to help you! So anyway, I picked a routine to get you on and let's just hope it's the right one. More than anything else in the world, I want you kiddos to be happy and healthy.

So how has it been going? Well, right now this novice is feeling pretty encouraged. I'm convinced it is because you kids are absolute geniuses of course, but you're already putting yourselves to sleep! That is a major feat for a 2 month old who is really only 1 month old gestationally. Fantastic I think! I'm so, so proud of you, and encouraged that we might actually be able to get you kids to stick to this schedule! And Max, you have slept for 6 straight hours two of the last 4 nights- I am so impressed kiddo! And thanks for cutting your mom and grandma a break- we appreciate it! I think it's because you're such a good eater, which brings me to my next topic... what are you kids like right now?
________________________________________

Max, let me start with you. You are my little angel boy! You are such a good boy and you never give us any trouble at all! OK, I take that back a tiny bit- when you are hungry, you definitely, definitely raise a rucus. But poor little guy- you only ever cry when you're hungry. Such a good little angel. You love your bottle, Max. Seriously, you love it. And it shows- you have the the cutest little chubby face and thighs! You are so solid and hefty- such a little BOY! And you're so smart that you absolutely know when we're about to feed you and you instantly calm down and start smacking your lips. It makes me laugh every time I start feeding you b/c you are soooo excited! I am convinced you not only sense that food is coming b/c of the way we position you on our laps, but also b/c you see the bottle. And that, my dear, is brilliance. OK, I know I'm so biased but this is my private blog and it's gonna be full of stuff like this! :-)

You also are beginning to smile! The other day you were ALL SMILES for Thatha when he was showing you your "car seat gallery" flashcards. You particularly loved the image of a little boy smiling, and would start smiling every time you saw it! It was adorable. And today, you gave Ammamma huge smiles and coos when she got close to you to pick you up out of your swing. She said it is b/c you knew you were getting food, but I think it's just b/c you love her already. How could you not? She is full of love and kisses and support for you and she and Thatha are awesome grandparents. I only wish, sweet boy, that you'd smile for me. I got a few smiles from you the other day but I wish I saw it more consistently. It just melts my heart when you smile- I can't wait till you start doing it regularly!

By the way, you also love your swing- another thing that makes us laugh. There is a mobile on top of it that you just STARE AT, mesmerized. It goes around and around in a circle and you just follow the little stuffed animals so intently and with so much interest! I love putting you in there just to see your enthusiasm about that mobile. But I'm trying to wean you off it a bit b/c you seriously love it and always fall asleep in it, and I want you to be able to sleep in other places besides just your swing.

But here's what stands out most about you, little boy, and the side of you that melts us to the core... your interest in the world around you. You're only 2 months old, but you are just so curious about everything! Everything. Especially if it is outside. When we take you aside, your little head is craning all around trying to take everything in! Even when we put you into your carrier or car seat, you seem to know you're about to go outside and you start getting that curious look in your eyes. And when we hit the hallway, wow- you are just plain happy! You are just so calm and the curiousity in your face is very, very clear! And of course when you get outside, oh you are so happy! You know, being a small baby, in general being carried around in a carrier or strolled in a stroller, is such a soothing motion that babies tend to fall asleep right away. But you, Max, you fight it! You try so hard to stay awake!! Oh, it is so cute. Check out how curious you are!

So what do you guys look like right now? Well, you, Max, seem to look like your mommy. Sometimes I feel sad, little boy, that you don't look like your dad. But only b/c your dad is so handsome and every mom wants their little boy to look like their dad. But you do look like me. Most of the time. Sometimes we catch of glimpse of you and it's so much like Daddy that it takes my breath away. But most of the time, it is all me. And right now, you always have the cutest little frown on your face. To us it looks like you are thinking hard about something. It is your signature expression and although it's a frown, we just love seeing it b/c it's so "you"! This is what I mean:

We love you, little man. You're such a sweet little kid.

_______________________________________

And Meera, don't worry- I haven't forgotten about you! What are you like? Well, first of all, you're adorable. You are our little firecracker! You are so full of life and spirit and definitely let us know what is on your mind at all times! You are generally a very, very good baby- don't get me wrong. But wow, when you are angry, I think the whole building knows! Now, unlike your brother, Meera - you hate to eat. I wonder if this is going to be the trend that continues as you kids get older. But as much as Max loves his bottle, you absolutely hate yours! It is a struggle for us to get you through your bottle almost every time we feed you. Ok, every time. You gulp down the beginning of the bottle pretty well, but that last ounce is sheer torture- for you and for us! I feel so sad for you when we get to that last ounce b/c you sooooo don't want it, but since we are in control here (ya right!), you just can't get away from it. You try your best and do all sorts of things like grimacing, shaking your head, pushing the bottle out of your mouth, and worse- pushing the milk out of your mouth! And sometimes I'll admit, we give in and stop feeding you. We just all HATE to see you go through that - you are just sooo disgusted with your milk.

And whether or not it's b/c you are a poor eater, you are a tiny little thing! Your Grandma Spencer calls you "little bit" b/c that's just what you are. Everything about you is tiny, except for your personality. When we lift you, you feel like almost nothing in our arms (particularly if we have just been holding your chubby little bro). We think you're probably going to be a small little thing, but we'll see- you kids can change on a dime so you just never know...

But Meera, you are so smart! You absolutely know when we're close to you and most of the time will demand to be picked up. Ammamma told me that wouldn't start till you kids were later but you are already doing it. And you definitely get angry at us when we ignore you and you want attention, and you have the cutest, cutest little pout! Well, I say "little" but really it's not so little. You stick your bottom lip out soooo far and throw your whole face into a massive pout! You are all girl, my little girl. We think you are going to be bold and strong and will absolutely get what you want out of life... or else! We are so proud of the little personality you are growing (even if it does make our days a bit harder sometimes).

You, by the way, are not so curious about the world yet. You pretty much seem disinterested in most things outdoors. But what you do love is people. You love to be around us, to be held by us, etc. You give me the sweetest smiles ever, and you look straight into my eyes when you do it. There is no better feeling in the world, I think! I try hard to entertain you b/c I can tell you are smart and are observing so much about all of us around you, and I think it's paying off b/c you are smiling and really following us with your eyes and seem to really listen to what we are saying to you.

You particularly love it when I sing to, little girl. When you are awake and I start singing to you, you just stare right at me and are so, so interested. Eventually you'll break into a smile at my efforts which totally makes it worthwhile, and you don't even mind when I hit some pretty pathetically off-key notes.

And just like your brother, you have these funny little things you do that make us laugh and laugh! Like when we first unwrap you from your swaddle. Meera, I think you don't much care for your swaddle b/c when we first take it off, your little arms shoot up, stick straight above your head, so quickly! They both shoot up and you sit there and stretch like a cat. It's like a spring, as soon as you are "released" from the horrible confines of that swaddle. It really makes us giggle, no matter how much we see you do it! I hope I never forget that image, and just in case, I'd better get a picture of it soon. Oh, it's so freaking cute!

And what/who do you look like? Well, you are in my opinion one gorgeous little girl, but we can't really figure out who you look like. We think you look like Grandma Spencer, which is great b/c she's beautiful! And in your early days, you looked EXACTLY like your dad's first baby picture. So you definitely look more like Dad's side of the family, regardless. But you're your own little person and you have the cutest little face! Everyone who sees you gushes about how pretty you are, which makes me so proud. You are a pretty little thing, Meera.

We love you, little darling. You're our little princess.

______________________________________

OK, little ones. It's time to feed you - I can hear you stirring. Until later...

Welcome to the wide world, Max and Meera

My dear, sweet, M&M - this blog is for you. I am not sure if I'll ever get around to putting together your baby books- particularly b/c I find them kind of strange - but I do want to make sure I capture all of those unique moments that you two create in our lives. I don't know if one day I'll present you with my musings so you can know not only how much we love you (obvious), but also how much you enrich and enliven each day of our lives together. Or maybe this blog will just be for me and your dad - to write down and remember the funnies, the frustratings, the tenders, the togetherness of life with you two.

Today you are 7 weeks and 5 days old and the pace at which you are changing is stunning. Daddy and I are so sad that your babyhood is racing by so quickly, but we are so thrilled at how you seem to be thriving and growing and more full of life every day.

But since this is my first entry, I wanted to take you back to the beginning - your birth- and write down some of the memories I have from it...

June 14, 2008 - Your birth, kids, was very surreal. I was in Durham with Auntie Alexa and Daddy was still in NYC. He was due to fly in that evening, and we had a special night planned as our final "date" before you came into our lives. But at the hospital, because of some surprises with Auntie Alexa, the doctors decided to take you out right away. I was shocked and I was so worried that your dad wouldn't make it for your birth. I begged the docs to wait until night to get you out, and they agreed (I think my tears kind of shocked them into submission). Anyway, your dad got to the hospital only about 30 minutes before your birth so we really cut it close!

Anyway, Meera, you came out first. The docs held you up for us so we could see you, and I thought you were the cutest baby I'd ever laid my eyes on. You had the most adorable, fat cheeks - even in your first moments in this world! And you were very calm - you didn't seem too upset by having been yanked out of your safe, comfy home into the wide world. Max, with you things were a bit different. They took several minutes to try to get you out, and the docs just seemed a bit stressed about it all. We found out later that you had a cord around your neck and they had to get you out safely, which took some time. But in those few minutes, I remember a feeling of dread growing steadily in me. We had had so much bad news over the past few years, that I was just paranoid. But then they told me you came out and we only got a very quick peek at you before they whisked you away. All I remember is that you had the cutest little lips which were bright red and so sweet and kissable!

Later, we were allowed to spend more time with you. I kept going back and forth from one of you to the other, just amazed and in wonderment that you were in this world. You looked so adorable, even then in your first hours of life in the nursery. Max, you looked like SUCH A BOY! There was no mistaking you for a boy- it was clear as day. Just something about your face. And Meera, your cheeks... oh they were so fat and sweet! You were both totally pink and it was kind of hard to believe that you were our kids! Your dad and I were definitely in awe.

Your grandparents didn't make it time for the birth, but Ammamma and Thatha showed up just a few hours after you were born, and Grandma and Grandpa drove through the night so they could see you as soon as possible- the first morning after you were born. They were all so excited and thrilled and totally amazed by you. I remember calling Aju Mama and talking to him and he was so excited- just laughing and laughing with so much happiness. Diyatha was full of joy too! And Uncle Brandon and Aunt Maggie just couldn't wait to see pics of you and were so excited. Dean all of a sudden went from being an only grandchild to have TWO cousins! You were so deeply loved by so many people- from your first moments on this earth!

You had to spend the first few hours in the nursery, but at around 3 or 4am, the nurse brought you in to us. Daddy and I were sleeping at the time but we woke up instantly and were so excited to see you! I'll never be able to describe what we were feeling in those first few moments and first few days, but there was just so much love and happiness. There was also lots of confusion about how to take care of you and fear that we were going to screw up! Neither of us had really ever spent much time with babies- we were both pretty darn clueless! But the nurses at Duke hospital were amazing and they helped us and trained us so much. Our first nurse was Jamaican or some sort of Carribean, and she was my favorite. She was so patient with us and so, so helpful and friendly. The next night our nurse was an Asian woman who was also very helpful but wow- she was a firecracker! She would totally put you in your place and wouldn't take no for an answer! She had a bit of an edge, but she still got the job done and we appreciated that about her. All of the staff at Duke were really top notch and they were all so thrilled about you- you two were so special- even with the staff! You were twins, and of course you had a very unique and special story about how you came into our lives, and everyone at the hospital was so excited for our new family and thought you were so wonderful....

The First Week - OK, the next week was pretty darn crazy. It was like a zoo at our condo in Durham. First of all, all 4 grandparents were around for some time. And I mean, everyone loves each other, but it's hard to keep 6 adults and 2 babies in one three-bedroom apartment. Period. But we did it, and it was all for you two. We were just all so excited and happy! In that week, you had your first few pediatrician appointments and they were... well, stressful. We loved your first pediatrician, May Slowik- she was really sweet and thorough just great all around- we were impressed. But wow, getting you to and from those appointments was hard, and then what was most stressful was that you were dropping weight rapidly and the doc was kind of nervous about it, which made us nervous! We had to bring you in every day for about a week and it was not only stressful but exhausting! We were novices at lugging twin newborns around, and well- how good can anyone really get at that anyway?

I had a few really emotional moments with you kids that week, b/c I was so worried and overwhelmed and all I wanted was for you to gain weight and begin to thrive. It was hard though b/c on top of dropping weight rapidly, you were also very, very tough to feed, but we had a lot of pressure to make sure you ate properly! I guess b/c you were early, you were just seriously sleepy babies and you had very little interest in food. We had to monitor your feeds and poops and pees like hawks, writing every little detail down to show to the pediatrician. And wow, it was a huge fight every time we had to feed you, which was often! It was like Christmas on steroids when you finally started turning the corner and gaining weight- oh, we celebrated!!!!

Aju Mama and Diyatha came and visited you in your first few days back home and that was really, really neat. I think they really enjoyed seeing you and welcoming you into this world. They were experts at holding you and even helped me feed you a little bit. Your dad and I were so, so touched that they flew all the way to Durham to welcome you into the world. They are such truly good people and you two kiddos are very lucky to have them in your lives!

Auntie Alexa and Grandma Jeannie and Zoe also came to visit several times. They really enjoyed seeing you and holding you and Zoe was just so fascinated with you! I felt bad b/c we didn't want her to hold you and I know she was dying to, but she was such a good girl and never complained one bit! It was a lot of fun when they visited and I wish they lived closer so that we could get together more often.

Anyway, the first week was pretty crazy. Really crazy. Feeding twins every 2-3 hours was a real chore. We all took shifts and somehow got through it all. In spite of how totally crazy it was, it was so special and I have nothing but really warm and happy memories of that time. It was neat.

The Second Week - Well, the highlight of the second week was bringing you home! Oh man, was that an adventure. We had to drive you from Durham, NC to New York City, your home. That, by the way, is a loooong way with newborn twins! We ended up breaking the journey up into legs. Our first leg was from Durham to Richmond. That is actually normally only 2 hours by car, but it took us probably double that time. We had to feed you right smack dab in the middle of the trip, which of course was nuts! Feeding you in the car and changing your diaper in the car...well, I think the pics say it all!

Another very, very special thing that we got to do on this leg of the journey is to visit your great grandma. I really hope you kids get the chance to get to know her, b/c she is an amazing, amazing woman. Your great grandpa was too - I know your dad really wishes you could have known him and so do I. But you did get to meet Great Grandma Salmon and it meant so much to all of us. She was so thrilled to see you and we were thrilled to show you to her. She kept saying how this was her first set of newborn twins that she'd ever seen! It was a really special visit. Your Aunt Missy and cousin Abby and Great Aunts Verne and Delle were all there to greet you too. I think everyone was really thrilled to see you guys, and you did us proud- you were so cute!

Anyway, after another stop in DC with Ammamma and Thatha, we headed home. After a strange and exciting two weeks, you were HOME!